That kind of love. The Kind Love.

Thought I'd go to the bakery and call my mum for a chat. We ended up talking for 40 minutes and at some point she said 'follow your heart'. I was surprised by her advice. It was on point.

I was sat outside the bakery on a wall and a cat approached me. I think she could sense I was lonely. My voice cracked at some point.

It was when I started mentioning [insert name here].I thought I'd pet the cat. Besides,it looked like it needed love and affection.

As soon as his guard was down, he surrendered. The cat, I mean.

He crawled on my lap, sat there, receiving all the care I had to give. So effortlessly loving. Like we'd known each other for years.

And I thought to myself, this is the kind of love I'm looking for. The Kind Love.










.

Ten odd residents.

Picture this, a group of apartments facing the middle (the pool) and its ten odd residents. 
And then me.

One's an English lady who reads books and drinks wine, 
        the other's a father of unknown identity (Bulgarian?) with his two children,
   then me,
then a curious Cypriot old couple whose female member watched me eat on the balcony
                                and further away a Cypriot nan with her granddaughter.

They look at me with suspicion each time I'm on the balcony, on the rare occasions. 
Who is this young lady and what is she doing here alone?
Has she got no friends?
No family?

Relax my beloved, I come here in peace.

I have both friends and family. But I have abandoned them for the sake of my sanity. I am an intuitive empath, you see.

I needed my time and space to recollect my thoughts. To regain my energy and to stay focused on the cause. My dissertation, that is.

But it seems to me that, just like Homer's Ithaca, the journey will give me more than what the cause will.

The chair

Alone in an apartment between apartments. Pitch black apart from this balcony. Shadows are formed by light from the inside and darkness from the outside. In the naturally occurring silence I can hear my thoughts remembering the times when darkness hid the light; the days when I trusted doubt.

A dog barks. But I am not scared of a known danger. I am scared of an unknown. I want to know. If I know I won't be scared. If I knew I wouldn't have been scared. You should have told me. You should have told me your truth. 

Silence, music and thoughts feel the space with sound waves. I wonder if my heart's vibrations reach yours. I doubt it, for you are far. For you are in the past. For you are far in the past. And I wonder if you were ever as close as I felt you to be. Inside, the light is bright; it assures me you were. Outside, its absence is dark, like yours. 

I am the chair on the balcony. 
Embraced by both logic and intuition I wait for the morning where the truth will shine and I will know closure. 

A published journey of thoughts

Guantanamo in me 
p.24, issue 19: http://issuu.com/scarabeoisland/docs/scc_issue_19s


Life is a game
p.24, issue 18: http://issuu.com/scarabeoisland/docs/scc_issue_18


The Absent Presence
p.24, issue 17: http://issuu.com/scarabeoisland/docs/scc_issue_17


Attitude: Confident(ial)
p.21, issue 16: http://issuu.com/scarabeoisland/docs/scc_new_design12_issuu


The Selfless Gene
p.19, issue 15: http://issuu.com/scarabeoisland/docs/scarabeo_december_issuu


One Hand.
p.16, issue 14: http://issuu.com/scarabeoisland/docs/scarabeoccnov


Why so serious?
p.16, issue 13: http://issuu.com/scarabeoisland/docs/scarabeo_cc_october_small


GAP
p.16, issue 12: 
http://issuu.com/scarabeoisland/docs/scarabeo_cc_september


Vision is blurry
p.13, issue 11: 
http://issuu.com/scarabeoisland/docs/scarabeo_cc_july-august


Love for ever now
p.13, issue 10: 
http://issuu.com/scarabeoisland/docs/scarabeo_cc_june_small


Rope; Balance. Fall. Rope;
p.13issue 9: 
http://issuu.com/scarabeoisland/docs/scarabeo_cc_may


- begtation
p.21, issue 8: 
http://issuu.com/scarabeoisland/docs/scarabeo_cc_april


Diary Entry,
p.5, issue 7: 
http://issuu.com/scarabeoisland/docs/scarabeo_cc_march


Cut my hands and use them
p.5, issue 6: 
http://issuu.com/scarabeoisland/docs/scc_februarya


Alone and Lonely.
None or Both.
p.5, issue 5: 
http://issuu.com/scarabeoisland/docs/scc_january


Me no speak Elinikano!
p.5, issue 3: 
http://issuu.com/scarabeoisland/docs/scarabeonovemeber


Εν αξυπολητη παιθκια!
p.5, issue 2: 
http://issuu.com/scarabe

'Forgotten Dreams'

I'm listening to fall-in-love music and I wonder if I ever fell in love...

Actually, I have fallen in love, but have I ever loved?

If I had I'd known, wouldn't I?

Sometimes I feel so intensely for some people. An explosion; the butterflies...
and I wonder if that's what it is- and whether I will have the chance to experience it fully.

The Result

[ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-p5vvkNGK4  

(Don't give up until you see the result)]

Rocking back and forth on the beat of a song, hoping my heartbeat is as synchronised as this melody-

while my eyes water.

My eyes water

in the realisation 

I've made it through.

I've made it through

the good and

the bad.

The bad

that was

cruel to my heart.

Cruel to my heart

and inconsiderate of

love.

Love

which was used and

abused.

Abused

by those who could not

live up.

Live up

to the greatness of

a challenge.

A challenge

whose only test is

its journey.

Its journey

which makes you want to 

give up.

Give up

and think your efforts were 

wasted.

Wasted

for not giving you enough in 

return.

Return 

to innocence and see

the light.

The light

that can only be seen at 

the end.

The end

Turning Tables

You've been tripping between what you have
what you want
and what you could have.
The three could co-exist with efforts and mutality
but the promising thought
guarantees the latter two.
However, the risk of losing what you have
which could,
potentially,
be combined with what you want and
what you could have
is tricky.
So do you go for what you want,
or make what you have be what

you could have?

Cz we only play 'all in' when we've

got nothing to win.