When it doesn't Match.

Try a little harder, try a little better, try a little faster, try a little slower.

It shouldn't be about trying a little something more; it should be about trying a little.

The attempt is worth the experience but the retardness appears when all the signs say 'NO, IT DOESN'T FIT' but you keep trying harder; better; faster; slower; to make it work. Well, I'll tell you this, and I'll say it once. It doesn't match! It doesn't match. Stop trying; it never will!

When two or more things do not match, there is a possibility that they have never matched before and a certainty that they never will. So what is the bizare earge that makes people keep trying for a case that is already lost? What is that which keeps them focused on a task that is unworthy and unworkable?

It could be their ambition to achieve in the relation as a whole, it could be their deeper hope of mutual feelings from the other side, it could be their perception of tolerance and it could be their ego's lunch. But seriously, it's like trying to solve a rubix cube when each colour only appears on one single side of one single brick of the cube. Unworthy. Unworkable.

Let's force this elephant to my lungs through my nostrils! Come on! Let's do this! Let's try a little harder, try a little better, try a little faster; a little slower; whatever works! NOW STOP! It won't go through babe. I'm sorry but it won't, ok? I want you to know that I tried but I can't be lying to myself no more. It will not go through and I will now even stop trying because I have lost any motivation to do so. We thought it would have worked, we tried it out, inside - out, up and left; but it did not work. And if you think it did, well you have been lying to yourself. And if you haven't been lying to yourself, well I've been a good actor. And if I haven't been a good actor, well you are naive and that's why we won't be together any more!

So please tell the elephant to reverse from my nostrils because I'll go for 'trying a little' as from now. I'll go for things that match; even when it gets harder, better, faster, slower.

Diary Entry,

Please wait for me, don't go

How does it hurt? I want to know.

I heard you're fine but losing weight,

I hope it's not to hard to wait.

I miss the stories you would tell

So please don't go, I'm gonna yell.

I'm gonna yell and cry and mourn

Because inside me, I'll be torn.

To your illness I'll be blind

You're always precious in my mind.

So please wait for me, don't go,

I'm proud of you- and you should know.

...Death is inevitable, but its appearance is always a surprise! Mostly because it only visits once and takes it all; The habits, the certainty, and the tangible reality become inexistent. The pain and grief increase as the memories flash before your eyes and the absence becomes unacceptable and unreal. The denial of the present places you in the past; and your mind tangles between the reality of the memory and the reality of life respectively in your attempt to believe it.