Guantanamo in me

Some are physically trapped. Others are mentally trapped. There are those who are both but are there any who are neither?

In such an advanced society where you would expect freedom and peace to flourish within each one of us, there is more suppression and depression than ever. The need for authority from the powerful bring the most negative manipulation which resuts to plain torture to the bodies and hearts of those found in the inferior position. The powerful; those who we invest trust in and who could betray us with our own concent. Media, governments, parents, schools and relationships.

It isn't right if it feels wrong. Acknowledging that chaos could occur if everyone did what feels right, the chaos could be constructively beautiful as it would allow everyone to live in peace with their senses. It would allow euphoria and creativity, away from suppresive tolerance.

Therefore, if the general concept of humanity does not allow such conditions, even though they are greatly desired, it is in the power of each individual to become the source of his own satisfying destiny.

Life is a Game

Some say it’s a game of luck and skill; somewhat like backgammon where the dice surprise you with their unpredictable roll and your skill is required to manage the situation to your best interest. Others say it’s a game of chess; where each move must be carefully planned in advance, considering all the possible moves the enemy might take. You can never be sure and it is usually a matter of interpretation but I choose to see life as a SUPER MARIO game.

You start with the basics such as, a life, and the ability to evolve in it. Time is constantly flowing, whether you’re moving or not. You start exploring the surroundings, sometimes jumping on the bricks and other times running under them. Soon, you meet living obstacles in disguised as turtles and if you are not prepared, or if you misinterpret their intentions to positive or friendly, you can find yourself severely damaged, or even dead.
During the journey, you learn to fight against the threatening obstacles, or you learn to avoid them. You look for empowering opportunities which help your growth; such as the famous mushrooms. If you are adventurous enough you might experience a trippy moment where you are undefeatable for a short term of time after jumping for a star. However, you must be prepared for the end of the empowering illusion as it happens suddenly; leaving you once again exposed to the dangers of the game.

Throughout, there are various paths you can choose; some hidden between the clouds, some in water, and some cynically under-ground. –Where you are depends on the choices you have made-. And the choices you have made depend on the reasons that attracted you to follow the chosen path. This could be economic where you focus on collecting the coins, it could be necessity for survival where you aim for the mushrooms and the firebombs or it could be plain desire to explore your surroundings before the journey ends. Whatever the reason, you must not get carried away. Time is running, sometimes faster than you.

Finally, the critical moment comes where you have travelled so far alone to face all your fears in the form of a dragon. The fear of inadequacy, the fear of failure and the fear of death await for your courage. If you are well prepared, you have the privilege of confidence. Nonetheless, you have no time for anything other than fight. You don’t even have the option to flight!

And there it is; the moment you either kill the dragon and meet your princess, or you let life flash before your eyes while you die.

Life is a game. Keep playing.

The Absent Presence

This is the feeling of emptiness and despair in someone's absence. Their presence is absent, and so is your power to defeat loneliness.

It is an incredible feeling to miss someone to the extend where you can sense their presence next to you. Sometimes it is subjective and self-induced but other times it is genuine and neutral. You sit there collecting all the sweet memories and tender moments, wishing they would suddenly reappear in your life. You look at photos, listen to songs, hoping that you will receive a text saying 'I think of you too, sometimes'.

But when it never happens, you have to forcefully snap out of the past and ensure that you are creating new memories here, now. The only challenge in doing so is that you'll soon be reminiscing the moments you are creating now. So to what extend can anyone ever fully live here, now? The past is a major component of who we are in the present and to live as though the past does not effect the present is almost impossible.

Fortunately, it sometimes effects one's personality positively where he uses the experiences as a lesson. I used to say 'love as though you have not been hurt before' until someone corrected me by saying 'love as though you have been hurt before' because that is when you will know how it feels. 

You live, you learn. The way we are treated is possibly the way we have treated people in the past, either consciously or unconsciously. So an attempt to treat people the way we would like to be treated would probably bring the absence of loneliness and would restore the presence of the present.

Gay and Proud

Sometimes we're gay
Sometimes we're proud
I say let's play
You say I'm loud.


Look at the ray 
Behind the cloud;
Start being more gay
And stop being so proud.



Talk about things
That bother you dear;
If you're not talking
Then how can I hear?


I tried to come close
But I won't try again.
Please don't overdose
And deal with the pain.


If I weren't so gay
And you weren't so proud
Then you'd have been gay
And I'd be so proud!


*Gay to be interpreted as preferred.

Vision is blurry.

I have always wondered why people annoy me so much now; when they were once the smile to my face. How is it possible that an entity which represented happiness in your life now only represents unhappiness?
 
I figured that it might not be the person as such who is at fault but the natural evolution of the relationship with the subject. Sometimes it can only get better but other times it can only get worse.
 
To appreciate a piece of art, they say, you should look at it from a distance and understand the bigger picture. When I read the phrase 'The only way to appreciate something is to distance yourself from it for a while', I instantly disagreed. I rejected it. I believed the opposite: that you should get as close to it as possible! That way you would notice all the details and the colorful shades.
 
But thinking of it now, it makes sense to me. It makes sense because I realised that the closer I got to the picture, the blurrier the vision became. The eagerness to live it all to its most and get as close as possible, only modified its beauty into an image worth throwing away.
 
I questioned myself and others to the extend where it got tiring to even think of that situation; let alone live in it. That is always when I know I need my space. The next step is suffocation.
 
Taking a step back does not equate to abandonment; though it is usually perceived as such. It is unfortunate that I had to lose friends, acquaintances, even parents in the process of doing so, but knowing me I will keep running into the image and I will keep taking a step back when I need to.

Love for now

As humans, we have a secret need of emotional security; an abstract feeling of belongingness which seeks to be satisfied within the limited or unlimited borders of our social interactions.


This is sometimes suppressed or avoided, but in other cases it takes over. It dominates the behaviour to an extend where one becomes so dependant to another that he forgets the reasons he initially liked the person. This domination binds the logic eye and the communicational and behavioural faults are buried or eliminated for the sake of emotional security.


Sometimes it is love.
And that is why they say love is blind. But if it is blind then how can it see one's faults and accept him for them?

Some other times though, it is not love. It is lunch. Lunch for the ego which needs feeding from external sources and finds a full course meal in the face of anyone who is willing to provide security and stability. Undoubtedly, these two factors are important in friendships, relationships and other interactions but they should not become the aim.


If one needs security, he should first find it within and thereafter look for it without. In fact, this reminds me of Cavafy's poem 'The Polis' which explains that a new place will not provide a new beginning if one carries ruins within him. Similarly, a new person will not provide emotional security if one carries emptiness within him.

So if love be, make sure you love and are loved for who you are and for who the other is. Make sure you love for now, constantly, for ever and not for the security forever provides now.

When it doesn't Match.

Try a little harder, try a little better, try a little faster, try a little slower.

It shouldn't be about trying a little something more; it should be about trying a little.

The attempt is worth the experience but the retardness appears when all the signs say 'NO, IT DOESN'T FIT' but you keep trying harder; better; faster; slower; to make it work. Well, I'll tell you this, and I'll say it once. It doesn't match! It doesn't match. Stop trying; it never will!

When two or more things do not match, there is a possibility that they have never matched before and a certainty that they never will. So what is the bizare earge that makes people keep trying for a case that is already lost? What is that which keeps them focused on a task that is unworthy and unworkable?

It could be their ambition to achieve in the relation as a whole, it could be their deeper hope of mutual feelings from the other side, it could be their perception of tolerance and it could be their ego's lunch. But seriously, it's like trying to solve a rubix cube when each colour only appears on one single side of one single brick of the cube. Unworthy. Unworkable.

Let's force this elephant to my lungs through my nostrils! Come on! Let's do this! Let's try a little harder, try a little better, try a little faster; a little slower; whatever works! NOW STOP! It won't go through babe. I'm sorry but it won't, ok? I want you to know that I tried but I can't be lying to myself no more. It will not go through and I will now even stop trying because I have lost any motivation to do so. We thought it would have worked, we tried it out, inside - out, up and left; but it did not work. And if you think it did, well you have been lying to yourself. And if you haven't been lying to yourself, well I've been a good actor. And if I haven't been a good actor, well you are naive and that's why we won't be together any more!

So please tell the elephant to reverse from my nostrils because I'll go for 'trying a little' as from now. I'll go for things that match; even when it gets harder, better, faster, slower.