A Lost Journey

 How did I give away my email to hackers along with my memories

To fade suddenly yet gradually from the feed of friends around the world.

I was shocked when I realised what had happened. 

Just like that time I left Lebanon and realised my daily seeings would change.

Same as Australia, and jobs I've had.

Will I see this person again? The moment of realisation and then a big hug. Whether I do or not, I hold this moment forever.

But to suddenly disappear of the face of your social memory was grander.. No compass can locate how lost I felt losing those sweet moments in time that I shared mostly with myself. The loneliness I openly caressed yet the friendliness I kept going - like if you, my friend, were here, you know we would have been laughing and sitting chatting over tea, cake, snacks, cider or whatever else tickles your fancy depending on where you're from and where we are at.

A journey of moments and colours blocked me from seeing it.

Saddest. 

Yet I remember Alexander Jay from Canada who I met in Lebanon when he was over 30 and I was under 26 and was looking for his other half who he has now found and proposed in the snow to, saying 'I'm so glad I met you' because we had the same light in our eyes. And a love for personable communications.

I remember Emma from Sweden saying 'you saved me Elina' as we looked at the full moon on the hostel balcony in Bundaberg and thinking wow I didn't do anything.

I remember moments I could not have captured in pictures, and hope others remember me in these moments too... 

But I can't avoid feeling that I have lost these moments. 

The big hug of goodbyes that really just left me staring at people in my current reality like I've only just arrived.

Names that are being confused in my head in my attempt to hold and remember usernames.

Yet I see the students I work around and my colleagues and smile knowing that these too are moments irreplaceable and lonesome - as all others.

Moments that will stay even if they are lost.

And yeh, I have added people back on my new account but it really feels like I am the newborn and everyone else has a past.