Randong Londay

Some

Times

Friendship

Needs

No 

Explanation

The Graduant

For some of us it was surreal.
For me, it was surreal.

All the unusual and positive elements of life gathered together for: The Graduation.
Anticipation, excitement, restlessness.

Families arriving, providing everything missing in their absence.
Sausages, cheese and dolmadakia arriving in masses while we try to cope with the overwhelm. Not ready to receive my own culture and language, I nonetheless go with the flow in an attempt to seize the day. And I seized it.

Friends' parents and siblings recognising my face from Facebook pictures and being delighted to have FINALLY met me in person. And their approach; unbelievably loving.
Strangers treating me like their own daughter, with love and care. It shocks me. It shocks me positively to feel so welcomed. And to know that this warm approach still exists within humanity.

I have received unbelievable appreciation these past few days and the feedback people have given me shows how each person receives the kindness you give- even if it is not always obvious.

The Day
Excitement to the max, everyone looking good and happy. Happy to see each other achieve. Cz that's what it was- an award of achievement.

Which lasted only a few minutes

before   it was all lost again.

The Night

Celebrating with a touch of extra confidence deriving from everyone's admiration and the graduant himself. A constant smile on the face and a smiling heart.

Plain nirvana, complimented by some wine.

And what better way to end the night other than being locked out of your house AND your room?

No better way!

So my night continues with a sleepover after a kind heart agrees to share their bed with me. 

I sleep in my dress. Making it a real graduation night.

Feeling glamorous even when I'm dreaming.

Feeling pretty even when I'm drooling.

The End

Last night my mum was making makaronia tou fournou [pastitsio much?] in my Canterbury kitchen. That was surreal. For many, different reasons, it was surreal. Five girls, sat around a table and it felt right; to genuinely be nice to eachother- after whatever feelings in the past. And it proved my point-

everyone is capable of being a sweat heart [or a complete ****] at any given time.

Now I'm just washing clothes and cleaning my room. Packing away the memories and returning to reality. 

And my little finding makes me laugh that I wore this dress for 18 hours without realising I hadn't removed the price tag... 

Humor does make everything better.

-------------------What you need

If I didn't need to be loved

then maybe I would want it.

If I didn't need to know the truth

then maybe I would look for it.

If I didn't need criticism

then maybe I would take it.

But I do

so I don't.

Because you deserve it.

Whatever makes people stay in an abusive relationship?

Disrespect, Rudeness, Emotional Torture- Literal Punches.

THe Hope tHat tHe situation will cHange. THat's wHat makes one stay. THe Hope.

The attachment to a nicer scenario.
The belief that things will turn out as we imagine.
Peaceful and Loving scenarios.

It is what, in the same way, keeps an abused woman in an abusive relationship, there, helpless and weak in the belief that her strength to push through will change her abuser's behaviour.

It is a give and take relationship.

A give and take of abuse.

So both feel the comfort of bonding as the abuse continues and a single moment of affection or kindness deletes the previous wounds.

But it shouldn't.

It doesn't heal the wounds.

And who wants open wounds?

<< We accept the love we think we deserve>>

...appears on my Facebook Feed

--------------------nothing------------------

There is so much access to

everything;

that nothing really feels like 

something.

Too much and too many of

anything

leaves us all here with

nothing.

This Cynical World

It makes me sad,
to see that a world of beauty,
nature,
and choice;
has become a cynical place of passiveness.

It makes me sad,
to think that the unbearable,
unbelievable feeling of content,
and excitement,
have become rare occasions.

It makes me happy,
that a child's day,
was made a best day of his life,
when a stranger gave him nothing more than,
balloons,
and happiness.

p.s. : He looked at the balloons as an adult would look at gold.

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.Time is Knowledge.

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PS:

We all do have our insecurities.

Some are more visible than others.

Some are more aggressive than others. (I've met some of those; in myself and in others. At first I criticized them, then I understood and embraced them.)

But I don't blame them...
 If you haven't told the insecurity what you think, it will grow in doubt and curiosity.

Tell the insecurity that 'for you, it is perfect' and it will not be ugly any more. 

It will relax in comfort and sleep at ease.

Don't hate the player

Imagination is a very tricky skill...

Undoubtedly it makes everything a lot more spicy and interesting and I'm sure it's what creates suspicion as well as comfort.

But the way it tricked me into imagining for a second that- I was with someone- when I wasn't, brought a make-believe sense of reality which is probably unrealistic; and too romantic anyway.

It really shouldn't be about the majority of the time imagining, guessing and wondering whether the other person is thinking of you me. It should be more of a balanced game of communication and mystery.
Where both are intrigued by the other.
Both are anticipating a little text saying 'hello sexy, guess who's at the door'
rather than waiting, in all uncertainty, whether they will respond positively to a text; or whether they will respond at all.

Too much and too little are not enough.

Game.

Balance.

A balanced game of communication and mystery, is enough.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=luM6oeCM7Yw

Little Girl's Excitement

I can't sit down
I can't.
I can't sit down.
I think I've just obtained
a disorder;
Excitement!

I am excited.
So excited.
I can't sit down.
It feels great;
it feels greatly worrying
that it should feel so strange;
to be excited.

I want to jump
I want to jump high
into opportunity.
I want to dance
in the rain,
and feel my legs shaking till I faint of fatigue.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-ZiZnycnWY

People in the Cold

People in the cold
look down
so they never
connect
and always
avoid the warmth.

People in the cold
run
from one place
to another
so they never walk
through their problems.

People in the cold
stay,
go,
or can't wait to go,
home
and realise
that they are still cold.

At the Office

Women moaning
Nerves exploding
Files opening, and
Doors closing;
On a casual day at work.

Hard breathing
and sighs.
Tired,
sleepy eyes
and a file that can't be saved.

Senses working
Senses lost
and a voice at the far end asking
Sorry, what?

Time's passing
Though it stopped
when nobody noticed
on the clock
the ray
that came in through the window,
and became my thought.

 

The Food Court

I don't want A Lunch Break.
I want lunch.

Mumbling and talking,
and loud thinking,
and in the far end,
a laughter which makes me wonder what triggered it.

Those Who Want To KEep ME

Those who want to keep me
in their lives
never say it to my face.
That I'm capable
of other
bigger
better things.

Those who want to keep me
in their lives
make the most of it
when I'm there
but struggle
when I'm not.

Those who want to keep me
in their lives
don't know
I sense their fear
of them losing me.
So I leave;
and leave them scared.

 

At the Park.

A child cries
and his cries
bring cries to my mind.

Brings tears to my eyes
for the cries I've cried.

Brings mental pain
with no gain
and no tool to beak the chain.

Brings winds
with no wins and
no scarf to keep warm and calm.

Brings friends
with no ends
and not much patience for the life patient.

Bring slides
with no sides
and the fear of falling and breaking a heart.

In a manner of speaking

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uZlvKXnYU4

But he's not
giving me the words.
But he is
telling me what I want
to know.

He tells me with his eyes
and the way he observes me
when I'm not looking.

I can tell
by the way his eyes
glisten as I turn his way.

By the way
I avoid looking at him
and avoid saying anything.

Nothing
that can be given
in words.

It's against the manner of speaking
you see.

A Promising Thought.

I've been tripping between what I have
what I want
and what I could have.
The three could co-exist with efforts and mutuality if I keep what I have
but the promising thought
guarantees the latter two.
However, the promising thought requires the dismissal of what I have.
The risk of losing what I have
which could
potentially
be combined with what I want
and what I could have
is tricky.
So do I go for what I want,
or make what I have be what I could have?
Desire and Greed.
It's a fine line.

Guantanamo in me

Some are physically trapped. Others are mentally trapped. There are those who are both but are there any who are neither?

In such an advanced society where you would expect freedom and peace to flourish within each one of us, there is more suppression and depression than ever. The need for authority from the powerful bring the most negative manipulation which resuts to plain torture to the bodies and hearts of those found in the inferior position. The powerful; those who we invest trust in and who could betray us with our own concent. Media, governments, parents, schools and relationships.

It isn't right if it feels wrong. Acknowledging that chaos could occur if everyone did what feels right, the chaos could be constructively beautiful as it would allow everyone to live in peace with their senses. It would allow euphoria and creativity, away from suppresive tolerance.

Therefore, if the general concept of humanity does not allow such conditions, even though they are greatly desired, it is in the power of each individual to become the source of his own satisfying destiny.

Life is a Game

Some say it’s a game of luck and skill; somewhat like backgammon where the dice surprise you with their unpredictable roll and your skill is required to manage the situation to your best interest. Others say it’s a game of chess; where each move must be carefully planned in advance, considering all the possible moves the enemy might take. You can never be sure and it is usually a matter of interpretation but I choose to see life as a SUPER MARIO game.

You start with the basics such as, a life, and the ability to evolve in it. Time is constantly flowing, whether you’re moving or not. You start exploring the surroundings, sometimes jumping on the bricks and other times running under them. Soon, you meet living obstacles in disguised as turtles and if you are not prepared, or if you misinterpret their intentions to positive or friendly, you can find yourself severely damaged, or even dead.
During the journey, you learn to fight against the threatening obstacles, or you learn to avoid them. You look for empowering opportunities which help your growth; such as the famous mushrooms. If you are adventurous enough you might experience a trippy moment where you are undefeatable for a short term of time after jumping for a star. However, you must be prepared for the end of the empowering illusion as it happens suddenly; leaving you once again exposed to the dangers of the game.

Throughout, there are various paths you can choose; some hidden between the clouds, some in water, and some cynically under-ground. –Where you are depends on the choices you have made-. And the choices you have made depend on the reasons that attracted you to follow the chosen path. This could be economic where you focus on collecting the coins, it could be necessity for survival where you aim for the mushrooms and the firebombs or it could be plain desire to explore your surroundings before the journey ends. Whatever the reason, you must not get carried away. Time is running, sometimes faster than you.

Finally, the critical moment comes where you have travelled so far alone to face all your fears in the form of a dragon. The fear of inadequacy, the fear of failure and the fear of death await for your courage. If you are well prepared, you have the privilege of confidence. Nonetheless, you have no time for anything other than fight. You don’t even have the option to flight!

And there it is; the moment you either kill the dragon and meet your princess, or you let life flash before your eyes while you die.

Life is a game. Keep playing.

The Absent Presence

This is the feeling of emptiness and despair in someone's absence. Their presence is absent, and so is your power to defeat loneliness.

It is an incredible feeling to miss someone to the extend where you can sense their presence next to you. Sometimes it is subjective and self-induced but other times it is genuine and neutral. You sit there collecting all the sweet memories and tender moments, wishing they would suddenly reappear in your life. You look at photos, listen to songs, hoping that you will receive a text saying 'I think of you too, sometimes'.

But when it never happens, you have to forcefully snap out of the past and ensure that you are creating new memories here, now. The only challenge in doing so is that you'll soon be reminiscing the moments you are creating now. So to what extend can anyone ever fully live here, now? The past is a major component of who we are in the present and to live as though the past does not effect the present is almost impossible.

Fortunately, it sometimes effects one's personality positively where he uses the experiences as a lesson. I used to say 'love as though you have not been hurt before' until someone corrected me by saying 'love as though you have been hurt before' because that is when you will know how it feels. 

You live, you learn. The way we are treated is possibly the way we have treated people in the past, either consciously or unconsciously. So an attempt to treat people the way we would like to be treated would probably bring the absence of loneliness and would restore the presence of the present.